when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
