Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
