So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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