Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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