You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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