Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
