The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
