It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
