you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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