i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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