i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
