the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
