Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
