Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
