this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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