she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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