I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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