I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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