I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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