Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
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