spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
