Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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