you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
