I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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