He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
