About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Your cock deserves a montage
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
