This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
