Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
nutella sex= disaster
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
