Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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