Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
