there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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