this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
