Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
