you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
