This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
