No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
