Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
