No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
there is puke in my bra ... again
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