that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
