At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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