you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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