Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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