Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
