I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
