How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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