Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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