How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
