Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
