What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
farters have to be the big spoon...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
