Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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