i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
