remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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