She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Even my vagina gasped.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just high enough for therapy.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
